my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im holly from the hills drunk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
