so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
