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how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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