Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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