he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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