Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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