remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
