The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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