I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
