If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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