dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
