I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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