Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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