he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
