So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
