Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
