Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Say something about gay babies.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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