Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
