Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
