And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize