you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
