I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
