So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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