I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
