dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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