you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
