i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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