I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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