my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
