I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
