how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
