If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
