Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
