Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
