your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
