So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
