I'm gonna have a badass scar
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
