If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
