I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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