i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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