is your mom at the bar?
he thought i was a dude.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
