its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
being pregnant is like rehab
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
