so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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