i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
