I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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