I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
