I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
