you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
