I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
