so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
