my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
