mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
