Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
