I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
