Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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