You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
