oh god the rape fog is back!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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